with my wide eyes

I just need to clear my head before I finish working on my midterm and start my paper.

I am scared. not that I will die, but the thought of it being a possibility has me worried. what if? what will I do? will I keep my job? still continue with my classes? will surgery be necessary? I know I'm getting ahead of myself but I'm scared and with good reason. Sharon even wants me to follow up with Dr. Tan. and then this chest x-ray. I never knew I was supposed to be getting an x-ray annually; no one told me that. so that is scary too.
March 13th. coincidentally Friday the 13th also. so many things are relying on this day. two doctors appointments, both nervewracking. then the scholarship deadline for the paperwork. and working the morning for corinne.
I'm scared.

and I feel like our relationship is dissipating into nothing which makes me sad. and feel lonely. and what Andrew said about my credits not being acceptable in some states jsut irritates me because am I just wasting my time? will i have to take these classes yet again? and what good schools are there for writing? what major should I do or degree? I am confused and tired and worried and scared and just want to see the fray or paramore. or both.
why is life so up-and-down?



but you know, even now, I have more faith than I can ever remember having in the past. I'm just scared of the unknown but I have faith that it will be His will.