without you there's no reason for my story

One month ago from today I turned 17. which means that in 11 months I will be 18. Eighteen. An adult. and yet I have experienced nothing. it suddenly occurred to me today that I will be an unexperienced eighteen year old in too many areas to count. I'm a teenager but pretty soon I won't be. was I ever a teenager though? I've never felt like it. Never have I ever felt my age and at times I really wish I would have chosen a different route. its not supposed to be like this. everything is not supposed to seem like this and I'm supposed to know things, many things that I have no clue about. I feel like I'm stuck in this place that I am desperately trying to climb out of but I can't get a grip. I keep slipping back into this place that I am slowly inching farther away from. until in one moment I am captured in it again. and I don't want to talk to anyone about it because they will just say that I am overreacting and that "it will happen someday." bullshit. I can handle the truth and the truth is that it may never happen. so why do I hope so much? I don't think its normal. I don't think I'm normal.