can you feel their stares?

when I can finally breathe easy and not have to constantly worry about everything, I will be happy,blissful, utterly overjoyed. I know, I know that life is a wonderful thing and shouldn't be taken for granted but shit, man. My life is like a balance beam. One misstep and it falls over, to pieces and then I have to be strong, optimistic and think of ways to fix the fucking mess. I'm seventeen years old, but I feel so tired and worn down. This isn't what life should be. Anytime I think I am going somewhere and slowly inching up the neverending ladder something or someone knocks me down. I'm sick of it. I'm sick and tired. Now I need to wipe away the self-pity I feel like wallowing in and think of a solution.
I wish I had my brother's willpower and determination.