living like I'm not alive. So I'm gonna start over tonight, beginning with you and I.
I'm not going. Its in 2 days and I've counted down the days since 75 and its in 2 days and I'm not going. Its not fair. I hate it. I wish I could go and see Andrew and Hayley and Zac and Jeremy and most of all Josh. I respect Josh so much and think he is utterly amazing. His talent, passion, drive, personality, down-to-earth ness EVERYTHING. It doesn't hurt that he is so hott either ;)
It just doesn't seem right, and it hurts. Its not my sister's fault and I really don't hold it against her. Its not like she is keeping me from going, its the money. Its always the money, no matter what. She says I deserve to go so much, but I can't help and think that if I deserved to go, then things would work out,right? but they never do. She even said it seems like I get screwed out of things and yes, I do. I just feel so cheated and sad and upset. Watching Paramore videos doesn't help either, it just adds salt to the wounds, especially because I found out they are playing Decoy, Fences, WHEN IT RAINS, and My Heart on this tour. Talk about torturrrrrrrrrre. Again, its just not fair.
I really wish I just didn't get my hopes up. I have all these hopes of how August 1st would be and now its going to be crap. I can envision Josh being directly in front me, playing his heart out and now I get to stay home. I feel like crying so I'm gonna stop writing now.
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amy i wish i could help so much. I wish i could amazingly just snap myself into California and give you a big ollll hug. you reallyreallyreally deserve to go but this time it didn't work out. It will though, soon. i went through hard times and thought nothing will ever happen to me and i met the fray twice. nothing went wrong when i met them, it all seemed so unrealisic. and i know that will happen with you and paramore. and hopefully the fray too. being dedicated to what you love just makes it even better when it happens and i KNOW you will meet them/see them/whatever.
usually when i write this kind of stuff to people it never seems to help so i'll stop. but you know that i'm always here for you, you can continue counting on me as long as i can continue counting on you. just because we're thousands of miles away doesn't mean we can't help each other out.
i love you hun, never forget it.
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