Your song.

and every line in every song they all seemed to come out wrong
until your song so let's sing it all night long.

I was reading Jake from Mayday Parade's blog and it got me thinking. He's right of course, I never follow through with New Years resolutions. There are things I would like to change this year, but I'm not sure which I want to focus on. I want to become a more well-rounded person. I want to like how I look, be a better person and become more accomplished. I want to lose some weight, get great grades while learning a lot, work on my outgoingness, become a better Christian and closer to God on my own terms, and offer a helping hand more often without ill thoughts. Its easy to say something aloud, and then try to convince yourself to believe a lie. Whether you realize it or not, most of us lie to ourselves often. Little things that seem insignificant but when looking at the whole picture, they are very big infact. I don't know, I just want to be happier and be able to say that I try my best in everything I do and every aspect of my life. The Shack has me thinking about God, life and how we humans view everything.
I want to accept myself more. Sometimes I feel so left out because while I am focused on some different things than others my age, I am rather young to be surrounded by older people. Its a challenge, feeling as if I belong somewhere. College isn't necessarily where I want to be, but its what I need to get somewhere. All logic and sense says to get through school and I will do it. I just can't help but feel like I want to be doing something else. Maybe moving down the hill and interning somewhere. Or finding a job and living on my own. I would love that very much!
As the year is ending, I've been thinking more, becoming more reflective of 2008. I have to say it was ....eventful. Bamboozle. It was my first concert, and unforgettable to say the least. I still haven't experienced that feeling again. It was incredible. I have butterflies just remembering it. My first job, which wasn't the greatest. Not to mention the mess I made with the whole pete thing. I don't know why I acted that way, but I can honestly say I don't regret my decision to no longer talk to him. Grandma. That was so hard and there are times when I feel as if there is a hole in me, and I just want to cry forever. I still get teary-eyed just talking about her. Graduation. that was nice, it made me feel proud. The Cab. What a fun night! I'm smiling thinking about how they played Vegas Skies, although it was unplanned. It made my night. and of course...Mayday. Ah what an incredible night! Derek's smile during Miserable at Best was breathtaking. There were lots and lots of fights, yelling, crying, and attitudes in this house too. Also a lot of laughing, joking, smiling and games played. I have to say, this year was very memorable in both good and bad ways. I learned a lot. Shoot, I dyed my hair a lot haha. I just hope I don't forget much from this year because I liked it. and 2009 will be incredible too, I hope.