why can't you stay just long enough to explain?

They say that I will know, its woman intuition.
Its very devastating to think that no one I know is truly happy. Anyone here, anyway.
People put on a good show, some better than others and you are convinced you know them. Or that you understand how they feel only to realize its all a show. Usually perfectly orchestrated and very convincing until one day something happens. Whether its a fight that gets out of control or you are in a bitter mood, you suddenly air all of your dirty laundry. Its common for people to speak about things that are better kept hidden when drunk. Alcohol is liquid courage, after all. That's when the curtain raises and you see the actors when they aren't onstage with their lines memorized. Rude and disconnected from their fellow actors, it is almost painful to watch because while its them and their life, not yours, you know that it reflects more than just a show. Its life. and could possibly be yours.
So my questions for 2009 so far are can anyone truly be happy for more than just a moment? Can happiness last? Is love real?
I will not allow myself to willingly be unhappy.




and yet all the while, I am discovering all of these things that make me sad and ache for what will never be. not in my life. and I know that although it won't be intentional, and I may even fool myself into thinking it is the right thing, that I will evitably settle because what I want it just impossible. and while knowledge may very well be power, it also can lead to fear and heartbreak that could have been avoided.